Lemon Yogurt and Such

This world is so fallen and sinful, I'm surprised "bad" things don't happen more. But that just makes God's grace so apparent and all the more lavish to me.

Little graces have been jumping out at me since last night. It started with my friend giving me a home-grown strawberry from her little strawberry plant. It was perfectly red, perfectly shaped. I'd never seen such a picturesque little strawberry! And it tasted as good as it looked. It was sweet and juicy. And as I ate it, I thought of God's common grace to mankind. His patience. His longsuffering. I don't deserve to enjoy a strawberry like that.

And even now. The fact that I can sit here at the computer with my Trader Joe's lemon yogurt and enjoy each sweet, creamy bite boggles my brain.

What a truly good and generous God we serve. Even when things go wrong, I still see how God's hand is merciful and gentle. And it goes way beyond strawberries and yogurt. The more I reflect on the work Christ did on the cross, the more I realize that my life should be characterized by thanksgiving. How could it possible be anything less?

Stream Of What?

My palms are sweating and my heart is pounding. It's Wednesday and I still don't know what to write about on my blog.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. My palms are not sweating and my heart is not pounding. When I began typing this blog 4 sentences ago, I didn't know what I was going to write about, that part is true.

Have you ever heard of stream of consciousness? It's a form of writing where you simply follow the thoughts in someone's brain. Naturally this makes for more random and less connected writing when you let your thoughts control the flow of the writing. So I think I'll write a little stream of consciousness for a minute and let you follow the thoughts in my brain.

I'm tired.
Can't wait to clean the Green's house tonight.
Glad I got directions, hope I can find it.
Hope Jen is not so stressed out today.
I think I ate too much at lunch...my stomach hurts.
Shoot, I forgot to put $5 in the basket for dinner last night. I'll have to pay Ann on Sunday.
I can't believe it cost $51 to mail my sister's package to Uganda.
If she doesn't get it I will be so upset.
My mom's rings are so pretty.
My hands got so dry from doing all those dishes this past weekend.
My foot is killing me today. I really hope it's not a stress fracture.
Why do I keep checking my email, calm down, Janea.
I can't believe Hannah is getting married on Saturday.
Saturday is going to be so busy...
I feel bad Amanda is so sick.
I need to work on Ephesians.

Alright, alright, you get the point! If I keep going, it could get scary!

Confessions of a Blogoholic (not really....I read like 3 blogs)

So, I have a confession. It's been driving me crazy lately to read other people's blogs. Everyone has cute, funny, silly anecdotes about things their kids are doing--like writing with crayons on the walls, or saying things that only kids say. Well, sorry. I don't have kids. So you won't find any cute stories like that on my blog. And I don't want my blog to become depressing, so I don't just want to talk about my trials like I have been for the past few months.

A friend who reads my blog was surprised to find out that I have a sense of humor (now that is sad). I was told that if you only know me from my blog, you wouldn't know what a goof I am.

So, dear readers (yes, all three of you), I am on a quest to find myself...my blogging self that is. To decide what my next blog should be about and what direction it should take. I'm open to suggestions. :)

Cheesecake and News

For many months now, me and a group of old friends have been trying to find a time to get together for dinner. We all live so far away from each other, scattered around, so coordinating our schedules was not an easy task. But it finally happened! Last night we were able to meet at Cheesecake factory. I am so thankful to the Lord for putting ladies in my life that I've known for a long time--ladies that will always be dear friends no matter how long we go without seeing each other. Everyone needs people in their life like that.

God is so good! I just marvel at His timing. It seems like almost everyone in the group had some sort of big news--engagement, baby--whatever it may be. And if we had been able to meet when we first wanted to, we would not have been able to share all the news together in such a special way. Last night was a night of catching up and rejoicing.

Nights like last night remind me that friendship is a unique gift from God and I praise the Lord for that!

St. Patrick's Day

It's hard to believe that in 2000, exactly 9 years ago today, I was in Belfast Ireland with my mom. We had a couple of days of not sleeping because the Irish were preparing to celebrate. "Preparing to celebrate" means having a party every night for the entire week before March 17th, getting drunk, and making lots of noise. So, that "lots of noise" kept my mom and I awake 'til the wee hours of the mornin'.

I remember being amazed at hearing the TRUE story of St. Patrick for the first time. I had no idea that St. Patrick has been kidnapped as a child and many, many, years later escaped. Then he decided to return to Ireland as a missionary to the people who had kidnapped him. They don't teach that in elementary school. :)

I saw the Great Causeway...the most beautiful landscape I've ever seen--on the northern coast. Words can't even describe the beauty of the crystal sea crashing into the cliffs that were carefully, craftily, carved out by the Lord--for His good pleasure. That we might see and know that He is God. Even creation declares His majesty.

As beautiful as God's creation is, it is nothing in comparison to heaven! I can't even imagine the glories that await me--the glories that my mom is experiencing right now! If she remembers what we saw in Ireland, I know she's thinking, "you think that's pretty? Just wait, Janea, just wait."

The Last Three Months

Wow! What a journey...and it's not over. The last few months have been such a whirlwind...so much has happened. It's difficult to process it all. My friend's mom died of cancer also about a year ago and I remember reading his blog soon after she went to be with the Lord. He said he's learned that it takes a lot of courage to die of cancer. I never fully grasped how true that is until the last few months.

I've talked with my mom's closest friend and she shared a conversation she had with mom about death. She asked my mom if she was afraid. And while my mom was honest...that yes, it is scary, she told her friend that now is when faith becomes real. My mom shared with her friend that she believed God's promises, she believed the truth about heaven and she shared how she was clinging to her faith in all that God has declared in His Word. My mom's faith never wavered. She fought the good fight and she endured until the very end. My mom was the most courageous woman I've ever known.

So now, I seek to live my mom's legacy. I want to receive the crown of righteousness--the same crown that my mom is wearing right now as she worships her Lord face-to-face. I don't want to waste this trial. I want to make the most of it...to let the Lord work in my heart and in my life and to shape me and make me more like Him. I want to let this trial do it's perfect work to make my faith complete and mature, lacking nothing. And I want be able to say with everything that is in me--I AM THANKFUL!

BACK!

I can't even tell you how overwhelmed I am by the body of Christ. I've seen it at work before in the lives of other people--how the body comes together to support, uplift, encourage and help each other. But never before have I experienced such an outpouring of love. To be on this side of it is such an amazing experience. As cliche as it may sound, I really feel Christ's love being shown to me through so many of you!

Averill Brown

“I’ll love Thee in life and I’ll love Thee in death
And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath.
And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus tis now.”

On February 10th, 2009 at 6:35am Averill Brown’s faith became sight. After a bout with breast cancer in 1994 and a painful battle with bone cancer for the past 5 years, the Lord called her home to rest. She endured faithfully until the end and the entire family was able to be there by her bedside when she passed on to glory.

We’ve spent the last few months taking care of Averill as the cancer left her bedridden and unable to move. As a family we’ve experienced many ups and downs during this time, but a constant theme resonated—TRUST THE LORD! James--trust the Lord to provide. You are the man and provider, but I can provide for your family’s every need better than you. Caleb, Alair---trust the Lord with Nicholas. I am the father to the fatherless. (Nicholas is the adorable little boy Caleb and Alair are adopting and had to leave in Uganda). Janea--you won’t find security anywhere but in me. Trust the Lord with your future.

We are thankful for all of the love and support so many have shown us these last few years and especially these last few months. We have seen the hand of the Lord throughout it all. We write this letter, not as those who mourn without hope, but as those who have a glorious hope realized in Christ Jesus. And we trust that you will rejoice with us as we celebrate the home-going of a vessel of God’s glory.

James, Caleb and Alair, and Janea

A memorial service will be held at Grace Community Church 13248 Roscoe Blvd. Sun Valley, CA 91352 on Friday, February 20 at 5:00pm. in the chapel.

Makes Me Smile

My cute little nephew Nicolas. Don't you just want to pinch him and hug him and kiss him and squeeze him? He's in Uganda...so that will have to wait. :(

Fresh Air

This past weekend two of my sister's friends from Indiana came to stay with us and help out. One of the ladies is a nurse, the other an eager servant. It was nice for my sister to have some friend time and it was really nice for me to meet two wonderful sisters in Christ and to pray with them and fellowship. They were so helpful with my mom. It was such a nice break. I'm so thankful they were willing to sacrifice their time to come, use their unique gifts, and just love on us. Praise God for the body of Christ.

My mom is pretty much doing the same physically, she was in a lot of pain today though. But there is a praise. For the first time, she seems really ready and desiring to go to heaven and see Jesus. I've seen a peace in my mom the past few days that I haven't seen through this entire process. It's a joy and I'm praising the Lord!

Thanks for your prayers.

Enduring

So many ups and downs...

Today my mom had an "episode." She was just screaming and it's impossible to comfort her. And since it's not possible to make sense of what she is saying, it's hard to know how to help her. We just sing and pray and try to ease her anxiety.

Praying for wisdom to know how to best help my mom.

Praying for an understanding for what she's trying to communicate.

Praying for peace.

Praying for God's timing.

Praying we are all learning whatever lessons God intends for us to learn through this.

Connecticut

I have to apologize for not updating my blog sooner. It has been way too long, I know that. And I know that some people actually do check it to see what's been happening with my mom--thank you for that and I apologize for dropping the ball on my blog. The road has been long and has been filled with ups and downs. I came to Connecticut before Christmas and I am still here. Though my mom's body is like a shell, the Lord continues to sustain her life. Even though my mom is a strong woman and a fighter, I know her life is sustained right now by God alone, not by her will and it's for an eternal purpose. And the Lord in His infinite wisdom is choosing to wait to take her home.

The last few days my mom hasn't eaten much at all, it is hard even to wake her to eat anything. And she has not been responsive or really able to talk at all. So it could be soon now that the Lord takes her home. That's what we've been praying...that the Lord will take her peacefully and quickly. And trust me, that's not an easy prayer to pray. But the more I meditate on things eternal and see how frail life is and how much pain my mom is in, the more I long for her to be in heaven with her Savior. I believe the Lord is using this time to prepare me as much as He is preparing my mom.

I've been praying a verse from Colossians each night for my mom before she goes to bed...that she would be strengthened with all might, fully pleasing Him being fruitful in every good work, according to His glorious power, who has rescued us from darkness and qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.

Please pray the same for me, that I would walk in the Spirit, being kind and gracious to my family and that my longing to be home in CA would not be too overwhelming.

Until next time, faithful readers!

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

What a bitter sweet time to be taking care of my mom through this journey. I'm learning so much what it means to be perfected through suffering and trials. Heaven is so much more real to me...just a breath away. Right now my mom is not coherent, she sleeps most of the time and we can barely rouse her long enough to eat the few bites that she will take. The hospice nurse came yesterday and said that was to be expected as part of the progression of the cancer. He estimates that we are in my mom's last several days (2 weeks at the most).

Despite the lack of sleep, nerves on edge, and long days, there have been many sweet and precious moments that I am going to cherish for the rest of my life. I'd like to share a couple.

When my uncle was over at the house the other day, he was singing some songs to my mom. All of the sudden, she started singing with him, Amazing Grace. She had the words all mixed up, but she was singing at the top of her lungs. Both my dad and I went running into the bedroom because we couldn't believe it unless we saw it with our own eyes. My mom's voice was still beautiful--it brought tears to my dad's eyes.

At another point a few days ago when my mom was a little more coherent, we asked her how she felt thinking about heaven. She said, "Jesus will be beautiful and I will have a new body for snowing." :)

Well today, it's snowing here and it is absolutely beautiful. It will be a white Christmas for me and my family. I'll see if I can post a few pictures tomorrow. Thanks for all of your prayers.

What us Crazy Grace to You People Do After Work

Our white elephant gift exchange...don't ask.

Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ7Y-lff_8o

Being a Living Testimony

"It behooves us, therefore, not only for our own sakes, but also for the sake of the Kingdom of God and the glory of the Christ in Whom we believe, to represent him and His cause, His message and His power in such a way that men and women, far from being antagonized, will be drawn and attracted as they observe us, whatever our circumstances or condition. We must so live that they will be compelled to say: Would to God I could be like that, would to God I could live in this world and go through this world as that person does. Obviously, if we are cast down ourselves we are never going to be able to funtion in that way."

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance." (Psalm 42:5)

We need to know our weaknesses, our personalities, and our tendencies so that we can stop and say to our soul, WHY ARE YOU DOWNCAST? HOPE IN GOD!

This totally encouraged me today! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

A beautiful face--under a black mask! (William Secker, "The Consistent Christian" 1660)

"What! Shall we receive good at the hand of God--and shall we not receive evil?"
Job 2:10
The consistent Christian speak well of God--whatever evil he receives from God. To bless God for mercies--is the way to increase them; to bless God for miseries--is the way to remove them. Did not the possession of riches sometimes draw away our hearts--then the loss of them would not break our hearts!
"The Lord gives--and the Lord takes away; blessed be the Name of the Lord." Job 1:21.
God gives before He takes--and He takes only what He gives! The hour-glass of outward happiness soon runs out! Today Job is the richest man in all the east; tomorrow Job is the poorest man in all the world. Yet his heart was like a fruitful paradise--when his estate was like a barren wilderness! Though God burnt up his houses--yet his palace (his heart) was left standing. Outward mercies are like the tide--which ebbs as well as flows. They are like the sky--which sometimes is clear, and at another time clouded. They are like a budding flower--which opens on a warm day, and shuts on a cold day. If God bless us in taking--as well as in giving; let us bless Him for taking--as well as for giving. That is a choice artist--who can play well upon a broken instrument. To be impatient with our affliction--and patient with our corruption; is to be angry with the medicine which heals us--and in love with the poison which kills us! Beloved, it is sometimes a mercy to us--that God removes outward mercies from us! He never wounds a saint to kill him--but to heal him! God does but take that out of your hands--which would thrust Him out of your heart! Too many think that God is cutting down the whole tree--when He is but lopping off its wasteful branches. They imagine that He is demolishing the superstructure, when He is only laying a right foundation. Poor souls, He is not nipping the flowers--but plucking up the weeds! He is not laying your land fallow--but ploughing the field! God's Providence has a beautiful face--under a black mask! God has the fairest ends--in the foulest ways! The sheep may be dipped in water to wash it--when there is no design in the Good Shepherd to drown it!Christian reader, you may read the marks of a kind Father--in the severe stripes of His children. Every twig of His black rod of affliction--is but to draw His lovely image upon you!

On the Lighter Side

Sorry For the Inconvenience

-World Magazine, November 2008

Even British burglars have manners—sort of. Days after frightening a 91-year-old woman during a home invasion, the burglar sent an apology note along with a bouquet of flowers to her Halifax home, about 200 miles north of London. In the note, the robber explained he believed the residence to be empty when he broke in around 4 a.m. on Oct. 9. Police said the perpetrator left the home empty-handed, but have asked him to come forward with his identity, not just a floral arrangement.

On the Road Again

So the last few days have been rough for my mom, she's been in a lot of pain. Up until now, the pain medication seemed to be doing the trick, but it looks like it's time to up the dose or do something differently. She just doesn't want the dosage to be so high that she's sleeping all the time.

The strange part is, even though my mom sounds the same when I talk to her on the phone, the cancer continues to ravage her body. She's lost a lot of weight and guesses that she is under 100 lbs. at this point.

I'm ashamed to admit that when I pray, there is a hint of doubt that God will do a miracle and heal her. I know He is able, and I know He can intervene at any moment and remove all traces of any cancer cells in her body. But I also know he may use the cancer as a means to take her to glory. May I bless Him either way!

I'll be going out to Connecticut on Friday and I'll be there for Thanksgiving. I'll be gone ten days and I come back December 1. Then I'll work for a couple of weeks and head back east again on December 22 for Christmas and return January 4.

My sister and her husband, Caleb will be coming out from Uganda--so we will all be together for Thanksgiving. We are so thankful for this time we will all have together. And I'm looking forward to spending the holidays with my family and enjoying every minute we have together.

Thanks for all of your prayers!

Learning...

Psalm 40:1-5
"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet up on a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth--praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and will trust in the Lord. Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust, and does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside lies. Many, O Lord my God, are your wonderful works which you have done; and your thoughts which are toward us can not be recounted to You in order; if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered."

This passage was such an encouragement to me today. The Lord knows my heart and He hears my cries. He's not against me...but rather His thoughts toward me are countless! He establishes my feet on firm ground. I pray that many will see my faith and hear the new song the Lord has put in my heart so that they will come to believe .

A Letter From My Friend Megan and A Testimony to Me, I Pray to Respond the Same Way

This is a letter from my friend Megan who lost her mother on Sunday. Since both of our mom's have cancer and have been going through similar things, Megan and I have been emailing, texting, calling, and doing our best to encourage each other through this time. Please be praying for her and her family.

“Watching and waiting our whole life through
For the moment when we arrive in glory
We’ll be standing before His emerald throne
Oh what a day it will be
All tears are gone and suffering ceased
Perfect new life, no earthly strife
For we finish the race, run to His embrace
Oh what a day that will be
When we’ve arrived, stunned and surprised,
all things resolved in the blink of an eye
No more distractions, no sin left to fight
The first glimpse of Jesus and faith becomes sight”

My mom’s faith has now become sight. At one o’clock this morning, she arrived home! Dad, Jordan, Nao, and I were able to be by her side as she took her last breath. We are joyful that she is no longer suffering and that she finished her race with excellence. Though no words can express how much we miss her, we find peace and joy knowing that she is where she always longed to be (and indeed, was created to be) before her heavenly Father… praising and glorifying His name!!

Praise the Lord for His grace to us, particularly in this time. It has and continues to be more than sufficient to meet our needs and comfort our hearts. We know that mom’s ultimate desire was for her family and friends to know the joy, satisfaction, peace, blessing, and contentment she knew – which came only from knowing Jesus as her Lord and Savior! Praise the Lord that her life was a testimony and reflection of God’s amazing grace!

We thank you for your love, support, and prayers.
-Megan