A Dead Rat

A few days ago while on my morning jog, I saw a huge rat in the middle of the street. It was lying on it's side twitching, jumping, convulsing--I wondered if it had been hit by a car. I know it's a RAT but my heart felt compassion towards this little creature and I wished there was something I could do to put it out of it's misery. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing, just simply finished my run. But not without this little experience leaving an impression on me.

Watching that creature die reminded me how imminent death is! And strangely, watching it writhe in pain reminded me of my mom's suffering. And I wondered--couldn't everyone just die peacefully, painlessly in their sleep? Why the suffering? And to be honest, I'm not sure I have a great answer. But I do know one thing, the pain, suffering, and fallenness of this world make me long for heaven with more zeal, passion, and urgency than I ever have before. Maybe that's the point.

If God knows when a bird or a sparrow falls, He certainly knows when a rat does too. Nothing is beyond His knowledge and control, and nothing is out of His loving hands. I needn't fear the future. One day I will be face-to-face with death like that rat...it will be my moment. God knows that exact moment and has ordained it. His ways are higher than mine and beyond my understanding. Proverbs says for a lesson in life to look to the ant. I looked to a rat. It's just like God to use a rat to speak to me!

"A god who does not rule all things absolutely is no God at all--but only a weak, frustrated, defeated idol, carved from one of the trees in the dark forest of man’s depraved imagination!" -Don Fortner

I know that the LORD is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods. The LORD does whatever pleases Him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths! -Psalm 135:5-6

All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as He pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: "What have You done?" -Daniel 4:35

Pay For A Stranger's Starbucks

The other day I ordered from a drive-through Starbucks. The perfect opportunity to anonymously pay for the person behind me! So I ceased the opportunity to accomplish another birthday resolution.

At the window I asked the cashier, "Can I please pay for the car behind me?" She said, "Sure, do you know them?" And I answered her honestly and said, "No, I don't know them." She looked kind of surprised and said, "What should I tell them?" And I said, "You can tell them that I serve a generous God and so I wanted to do something generous for someone."

The lady smiled and said, "Maybe they will pay it forward." I said, "Maybe." And I smiled back, paid for the strangers grande mocha caramel frappaccino, and drove away.

A Year Later

Yesterday was exactly one year since my mom passed away, went to heaven, died...however you want to say it. The point is, she's gone.

I'll never see her smile again, or the twinkle in her bright blue eyes. I'll never again sit at the dinner table with her or ask her to do me a favor. I'll never go to another play with her or bake another batch of apricot cookies with her. We'll never watch another episode of Dancing With the Stars together or critique the American Idol contestants together. I'll never again call her to chat on the way home from work, ask her for advice, or sing a song with her. No one will ever be as honest with me when I ask for criticism, no one will be as hard on me when I need to be pushed, and no one will love me like my mom did.

But I do know this...

My mom is happier than she has ever been. My mom is at total peace and total rest. My mom is with her Savior. My mom is whole and complete. She is without sin. My mom would not come back if she could. And I wouldn't want her to.

I know this...
One day I will see my mom again and I will sing with her again. But this time no sin and no flesh will get in the way of singing praises to God. And I know that God is good and everything He does is good, and is for my good. Those aren't just words...it's TRUTH.

I told my friend the other day, cancer did not take my mom's life. God, in His infinite love, wisdom, and mercy, called my mom home on February 10, 2009. God is the giver and sustainer of life. He gives and He takes away. And I will bless His name.

My very talented friend wrote a poem many years ago after her father died and she shared it with me yesterday. Here's a short piece of it that really resonated with me and encouraged my heart:

"Having given, the Father,
Having been given, the Son,
Being now given, the Spirit,
Triune know, oh they know, and
Are one in comfort,
And as our tears flow,
So theirs;
They know.
They know.
They more than know.
The Lord does not just provide;
He is our provision; and there is nothing lacking.
Yes, tears still come, bewilderment and sorrow recur;
He doesn’t just say, stiffen that upper lip;
He says “Come to Me. . . and I will give you rest.”
And He does, oh yes, He does."

Contact My Long Lost Uncle

I haven't spoken to my uncle in probably 20 years! He's been estranged from the family I guess you could say. I decided--now that I'm an adult I should try to reach out to him. I was nervous and felt stupid, but I swallowed my fear and sent my uncle a letter and a CD of my mom's memorial service along with my contact information.

I was surprised to receive a brief by very nice email in response right away! WOW. So I emailed my uncle a picture of our family and more details about our lives these days. I don't know where this communication will lead but I'm thankful the Lord opened this door. And I want to be faithful wherever it may go from here.

"Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and take big risks for the glory of God." -Tim Pickard (my first HS staff Bible study shepherd)

Birthday Resolution- HOLD BABY LUCIANO

Baby Jakob was too comfy in his mama's tummy, so he took a little while longer than expected before he decided to come into the world. But finally after an extra week of hanging out with mom, he was born! I am so excited for Sandi and Allan and I know they are going to be wonderful parents. God is so good!

I was able to go to their house last night and meet baby Jakob and hold him for a while until it was time for him to eat. He's got dark hair like his papa, dark blue eyes (which will most likely change color) and I'm convinced he has his Aunt T's chin. He's a cutie! I'm thakful yet another birthday resolution is done...especially this one because I didn't have to do anything...my friend did all the work! :)

The Newest Member of the Brown Family

BIRTHDAY RESOLUTION: GET A PET OF SOME SORT

I wanted to get a turtle, but it turns out that the aquarium equipment needed for a turtle is $180. Or else I could buy a tortoise for $100. And lizards, snakes, frogs...all need heating lights and their habitat also cost $180. Wasn't planning to spend that much money.

Please welcome the newest member of the Brown family:
RAY

Ray the fish loves to change color, he loves to stare, he loves clean water, and he does not play well with others (other beta fish, that is).

God's Promises

The most amazing I've ever seen...right out my window at work yesterday. Made me meditate on and rejoice in God's faithfulness to His promises. The picture was taken with my cell phone and does not do it justice at all. But enjoy it all the same!

Pet

I'm going to get a pet to fulfill another birthday resolution. I need your help. What should I get?
1. Fish
2. Hampster
3. Rabbit
4. Bird
5. Turtle
6. Gerbil
7. Guinea pig
8. Lizard
9. Snake
10. ROCK

See My Nephew(s) In Person

When I made my birthday resolutions, on my list was "see my nephew in person." Well, in the few months that have passed since then, my nephew turned into nephews (plural) when my sister and brother-in-law received a phone call that there was a little boy in need of a home. The day after Thanksgiving, my sister brought home Nathaniel James Karabo Mitchell. What a gift! In fact in, my sister had been praying for specific details about another child and God kindly answered YES to all of those prayers...like Nathaniel was a special gift all wrapped for her! And how fitting that Nathaniel means gift as does Karabo (chair.ah.bow.) his African name.

So my mission was to see my NEPHEWS in person--mission accomplished!

Two days before Christmas I headed out with my dad for Uganda. Everything went smoothly and after a ten hour flight, and a lovely, but very fast tour of London (I was the tour guide), we spent the night and headed out the next morning for a seven hour flight into Entebe (Uganda).

It was such a joy to see my sister and Caleb and the boys, despite an allergic reaction I had. I was rashy, itchy, and swollen-eyed, but I was one happy girl. We celebrated Christmas late and Nico opened up his gifts. I got to see how my sister lives. We got to meet friends, ministry partners, and "family" members. We jumped up and down and danced as we worshipped at church. We ate "Matokey" with G-Nut sauce which is boiled bananas with peanut sauce, a savory, traditional Ugandan dish. The bananas taste more like potatoes.

We spent New Years with my sister's good friends and had an AMAZING meal--two different kinds of beef/roast with veggies, yummy rolls, popovers, and cookies, potato donuts, and tea for dessert.

We went to the source of the Nile where we saw the spot that Lake Victoria feeds into the Nile (you can see ripples where the salt and fresh water are "mixing"). We also went on a hike in a rain forest where we got bit by fire ants and saw a few monkeys. Our guide told us, "Don't eat that tree, it will kill you." And then two trees over, he said, "Eat this tree, it will help diarrhea." HA! HA! HA! Call me unadventurous, but I didn't eat any trees.

I even got the whole market and craft fair experience. I bought fabric and a very nice Ugandan auntie is making a tradition African shetange for me. I will have it in a few days. There is no hot or even warm water, often the power unpredictably goes out and can be out for days. We boil the milk, boil water for warm baths, the clothes are washed and hung to dry and ironed to kill the eggs the mango flies leave behind. You don't want them to burrow and hatch a worm beneath your skin. We slept under mosquito nets as a defense against malaria. And overall had a grand ol' time.

We had a little family celebration for Nico's 2nd birthday. He turns two years old on Jan. 17th. It was fun to watch him open gifts. It was amazing how much his coordination developed in just two weeks. He had a hard time opening Christmas gifts, but did just great for his birthday. Maybe he learned that we weren't just asking him to rip paper, but there was something in it for him under that paper. :)

Nate and Nico took their first bath together where they played and splashed and had fun as brothers should. I took lots of pictures. I'm back in one piece, my luggage was only a couple days behind me, and I'm recovering well from jet lag, so I can't complain. Thanks everyone for your prayers. God is good. I am so thankful for this experience!

A Couple of Bucks

I've been rethinking my position on giving money to homeless people standing on the street. Over the years I've gone back and forth about whether or not to give to them. You know the argument...they will just spend it on alcohol or drugs. And I've heard stories of people watching a "bum" turn around and drive away in a nice sports car. But the more I think about it, Scripture doesn't say to be kind and compassionate and giving IF you think you agree with where the money will go. That is out of my control. I am just to spread the love of Christ and let the results work themselves out.

So, on the way to work today, I stopped and gave an old man a few dollars. I've seen him standing with his sign on the street for weeks. The smile on his face was worth it. And it's cold outside...if he needs to warm himself up with a beer, I guess that's not my problem. :)

I don't know...what are your thoughts?

Going to the chapel...again

Yes, it's time...again! Yet another dear friend is getting married. I'm so excited for one of my best friends Jen, who recently got engaged to her boyfriend Earl Hammon. She asked me to be in her wedding....this will be #13 for me, and she asked me to be her maid of honor...this will be #4 for that job.

The fun times have already begun...we're going dress shopping tonight!

Can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for my sister in Christ and I know the next few months are going to be special and fun to spend together. YAY! for the way God works!

Serve at a Homeless Shelter for Thanksgiving

Some things on my list of thirty things to do before I'm thirty take longer than others...I've been working on it, trust me. But nothing has been completed enough to talk about, until now.

I did cross another thing off my list last week...serve at a homeless shelter for Thanksgiving. And I did! I went to Church on the Way and served Thanksgiving dinner to people staying at the SanFernando Valley Rescue Mission.

It was an awesome experience! I've served there before...a few years ago, but forgot how much I enjoyed it. And My dad came with me too!

I got to meet so many wonderful people. Their smiles, thank-you's and sweet attitudes were a slap to my pride. It was fun to be their "server" and even more exciting that the gospel was presented so they received spiritual food as well as physical food. I pray the Lord will give me more and more a heart for the lost as I grow to love what He loves and hate what He hates.

My New Nephew

Nathaniel James

I'm Exercising My Civil Rights :)

Yes, Rick Holland would be so proud of me!

I had big plans for Saturday. My alarm didn't go off and I was running late, but I dragged myself out of bed, threw on jeans, a shirt, and a sweatshirt and headed out to the shooting range! I drove with a friend up to Sanfransiscito Cyn. in Santa Clarita. I love that drive, up the dirt road into the middle of nowhere until we finally came to the shooting range where I shot a pistol for the first time!

I have to admit, it was fun!

After a few rounds I got a feel for the gun and was hitting the target pretty much every shot by the time I finished off the amo.

But that wasn't the end. I got to shoot a rifle for the first time too. Didn't practice on that one yet...next time. But I did fire off two shots to get a feel for it. That's a lot of power in the hands of a little person like me. ;)

Thank you constitution of the United States of America. :)

Free Latte's and God's Sovereignty

Thank you, Coffee Bean, for the free ice-blended pumpkin spice latte and the chance to sit and have an encouraging chat with my friend. :)

I'm blown away by God's sovereign love and care. I see more and more that He orchestrates each detail of our lives (mundane as they may seem) to bring about His plan. Every choice I make, every phone call, every e-mail, God has strategically woven together in a intricate pattern to bring His will about in my life and even in the lives of others. He intimately knows and deeply cares about what concerns me. Nothing in my life goes unnoticed or untouched by Him.

That kind of detail shows a tender love I know I don't deserve.

People Are Crazy

I've done some stupid things in my life. But several days ago I think I topped myself! I blame the full moon.

When I got out of my car in the Rite Aid parking lot, I saw a poor little dog locked up in the car next to me. It was hot, 89 degrees, and the windows were up. The poor tiny pooch just looked at me and smushed it's little nose up against the window, panting. The dog looked like it hadn't been fed or bathed in ages. I couldn't take it!

Now here is where my lack of better judgement comes in. I saw that the car door was unlocked. So I quickly opened up the car door and rolled down the window so the dog could get some air. Then I walked over to Starbucks and got a cup of water for the dog. About 30 minutes passed when the owner finally came back. He was an angry man who cussed me out for thinking I was super woman and that I could save the world. After a ten minute rant, the guy finally left and took a picture of me on his cell phone as he drove away. HA! HA!

O my! Next time just remind me to call animal services. Again...I blame the full moon. :)

Malachi

My friends Wes and Rachel Smith lost their 3-year old son this morning to leukemia. My heart is breaking for them but I'm not mourning without hope. Christ conquered death when He gave His life on the cross and rose again--and we have hope that little Malachi is in heaven rejoicing with his Creator. And with my mom. Malachi means "Messenger of God" and this is God's message to me through Malachi:

God's Message

God said children are a precious gift—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that truth.

God said He works everything for good for those who love Him—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that promise.

God said He is the Great Comforter—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that attribute.

God said He knows every hair on our head—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that fact.

God said He loves the little children—
Malachi is God’s messenger, proof that’s true.

God said He gives us the grace we need for each day—
Malachi is God’s messenger to help us experience that grace.

God said He formed us and knew us intimately before we were born—
Malachi is God’s messenger, evidence of that care.

God said He is sovereign—
Malachi is God’s messenger, demonstrating that reality.

God said He can use the faith of few to increase the faith of many—
Malachi is God’s messenger to bring that to pass.

God said life is a vapor—
Malachi is God’s messenger, reminding us to live that way.

God said He is preparing a place for us—
Malachi is God’s messenger, causing us to dwell on thoughts of heaven.

One Reason Why I Don't Internet Date :)

Online
By: Brad Paisley

I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
But there's whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace'

Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look real good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
I’m so much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A.
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein,
I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs
That would blow your mind

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Hair Cut Picture...Just For You, Joy! ;)

Just because you asked...

Hair Cut

It's amazing to me that something as simple as a haircut can make you feel like a new person. When you feel like you need a change or you need to move on or past something, there is nothing better than a haircut. I say this only because I am too chicken to dye my hair or something even more extreme, so for me, a haircut will have to do. I high recommend it. If you're having a bad day, try it out. I promise you won't be disappointed.