Fix the Curtains, Eat Dinner Alone, Run 10 Miles

Check. Check. Check. I am really racing to finish my list before my birthday comes! In the last week I've done several of my birthday resolutions.

First, I fixed the curtains in the living room. Last year I put up some blinds, but didn't realize they were unfinished on the other side, so from the outside of the house it looked like we had white sheets hanging in the window. FINALLY I found some sheers to put up behind the blinds to solve the problem.



There is this tiny Mexican food restaurant right on the corner by my house and after my entire life of living here, I have never eaten there. One of my resolutions was to eat dinner at a sit-down restaurant alone--since I've never done that before and wanted to see what it was like. The meal was yummy. And it was fun to eat alone.

The most I've ever run at one time is 8 miles. I wanted to challenge myself, so I decided to make the goal of running 10 miles. On Saturday morning I woke up at 5:30am and set out to run 10 miles. It was going pretty well, but after mile 6, my hips started to hurt and my legs were hurting too. But I pushed it through and made it to the end. My hips were a little sore the rest of the day, but I feel good today. I think I'm ready for a 1/2 marathon!

My Adventure to Hearst Castle

Hearst Castle is nearly 4 hours from where I live, so I thought it would be fun to make a road trip of it and go with some friends. Since my birthday is so soon, today was my only free day to accomplish this task. It just so happens that all of my friends were busy today and no one could go with me. Something in me dreaded the thought of going alone, so I almost didn’t go. But something even stronger in me told me that I had go—even if it meant going alone. I wanted to have this experience, I wanted to have this adventure. I couldn’t let my singleness keep me from it.

So I went. I enjoyed the beautiful drive down the coast and I had a wonderful time touring the castle and learning the fascinating facts about Mr. Hearst and his party abode. It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining, but not too hot, and a slight wind cooled the air without being too gusty. The scenic view from the top of the castle was astonishing and made me imagine what Hearst’s guests must have felt like as they drove up the long, winding, road in their limousine. And I met a few really nice people who were on the tour as well--2 girls and a guy about my age. They were very friendly.

The nice girl at the snack shop gave me a free croissant and later a guy working there gave me a 1/2 price coffee. Don't ask me why...I guess they are just nice people.

Before I headed home I went on a brief walk on the beach and let the freezing air blow through my hair until I couldn't take anymore and got back into the car and headed on my trip home.

I had the best day I’ve had in a long time. Yes, at times I did feel lonely and wish I had a friend or better yet, someone special, to share the experience with, but I didn’t. And that’s okay. I feel more empowered and confident because of today.

Oxnard or Bust

Have you ever been “at a loss for words?” In the last week I’ve experienced that feeling in ways I’ve never known before.

I spent the week in a chilly but beautiful beach-town called Oxnard. Hundreds of missionaries from around the world sent out from my church gathered together for a time of refreshment, encouragement, and challenging seminars and sermons. The theme? Marriage.

I was part of a team of about 25 people who helped watch all of the missionary children so the parents could take part in the conference without distractions. I was assigned to the 3-5 year old group. And as you can imagine, our room was busting at the seams with an intense energy and vivacity. I love how some of the boys were all boy! They just had to run and jump and wrestle and hit and pull. It was a task calming them down. And it was fun to cuddle and comfort the shy crying girls who missed their mommies.

A peek into our classroom might reveal a puppet show, or singing time, coloring, or story time, Bible time, potty break, or perhaps snack time. Or you might find us at the pool, doing craft time, or watching a video. We had a blast—and I think the children enjoyed themselves too. I was also able to spend a significant amount of time with a precious disabled missionary child named Hannah. Hannah needed some special attention, so I was able to stay close to her for most of the week to attend to her needs. Hannah had her 14th birthday in the middle of the week—the same day as our zoo field trip, so I was able to take Hannah to the zoo and do my best to make her birthday a special one.

Now that this exhausting but incredible week is over, I am truly at a loss for words. I learned so much this week about myself—my selfishness, my hunger for personal comfort, my flirtation with materialism, and so much more. I was challenged and inspired simply by being in the presence of devoted, faithful, missionaries who willingly and sacrificially devote themselves to ministry.

Go horseback riding

I fulfilled another birthday resolution while I was at camp the other week! One of my resolutions was to go horseback riding. I had the opportunity to go horseback riding with Deja (who I mentioned a couple of posts ago). We had a lot of fun. It was so beautiful and serene, and I felt like I had to be quiet the entire time and just take in the beauty. The sun was shining and warmed my cheeks and the sky was blue and unblemished by clouds. I could smell nature--the freshness, the dirt, the trees, the flowers, the moisture all combined to give off an amazing fragrance. Of course it helped that we were out of the state in Glorieta, New Mexico.

As I sat on the back of a strong, powerful horse named Garry, I thought about how quickly this year passed. I can't believe how soon my birthday is! I'd better jump on these last resolutions before my time is up. Wish me luck!

Home Again, Home Again

Hey everyone! I'm back from summer camp. I'm tan, I'm sore, and I'm tired. :)

We had an 18 1/2 hour bus ride to Glorieta, New Mexico and then 5 days of intense preaching, small group, and the craziest games you can imagine, then a 17 hours bus ride back home. But not before eating breakfast at Cracker Barrel! It was a blast. My favorite part was talking to the kids who were on the sidelines, not into the games--those are always my favorite students--and we had some great conversations. I praise God for the opportunities I had to talk to students about the gospel and to tell them about how God saved me. I'm so glad I was able to go this year.

I was the official camp blogger, so if you want to read more about camp, check out www.regenblog.com.

Regeneration

Hi, friends. I'm off to Glorietta, New Mexico for HS summer camp in just a few minutes. We'll get back home on Saturday afternoon, so I'll be gone for a week. If you think about it, please pray for me. Some friends of mine invited their neighbor to be part of camp. Her name is Deja. She'll be in my small group and I'll be rooming with her. She wasn't raised in the church--in fact I think her first time at church was last week when she came to visit. I'm really excited about this ministry opportunity, but pray that Deja will feel comfortable with me and that I'll have opportunities to share the gospel with her and live it before her in the coming week. Pray for Deja's salvation!

Thanks, everyone. See you in a week!

Beauty For Ashes

I just saw this song on a blog I've been following and I think the words are beautiful. The particular verse below stood out to me:
Beauty from Pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
-Superchic

That reminds me of a song my mom used to sing:
Beauty For Ashes
He gives beauty for ashes,
Strength for fear,
Gladness for mourning,
Peace for dispair.

So encouraging and so true. He makes all things beautiful IN HIS TIME. When I feel like the words of the first song are true in my life, which I often do, I rest in this truth!

Examiner.com

If you take the time to read my blog, you'll be interested to know I've become the LA Relationship Angst Examiner for Examiner.com. So far I have three articles complete.

Check it out here.

Thanks for your support!

Toe Ring

I figured I'd better start concentrating on my birthday list again if I want to finish everything before my birthday! Next on the list:
Wear a toe ring.

I've never worn a toe ring before. But you have to understand some history to know why I wrote this as one of my resolutions. My dear friend and X-roommate Sandi had a toe ring that she never took off. NEVER. NEVER. I'm not kidding. NEVER. She has worn this toe ring for 12 years now? Is that right, Sandi? So, several years ago when Sandi got married I begged her to take off the toe ring for the sake of her husband. But guess what? SHE DIDN'T! If I'm not mistaken, Sandi is still wearing the toe ring to this day!

So, I had to find out what is the big deal about toe rings. Hence my birthday resolution to buy a toe ring and wear it. And you know what? I do kind of like it. :) I won't tease you anymore, Sandi. But when or if I get married, please make sure I take it off! :)

Another Quirk of Mine

I might sound psycho, but cleaning gives me a strange sense of fulfillment. When I see the fruit of my labor--when I clean something that was filthy and it looks shiny and nice, it gives me this great pleasure. After I clean I feel a sense of accomplishment. Ahh...it's been a good day.

Scatter-Brained

I never thought of myself as a scatter-brained person. Until now. I keep forgetting and misplacing important things, and there is no excuse for it. I need to get my act together. :) This mindless trend is not good to have when you're taking a trip out of state for a wedding. (Bite lip here.)

So this weekend my friend Holly got married! I was a bridesmaid in the wedding and had the blessing of going to Denver, Colorado to be part of Holly's special day. Holly has some amazing friends that I was privileged to meet. It was a great bridal party and I'm thankful to know that Holly is surrounded by so many wonderful friends. And I look forward to visiting again!

So maybe I had a few mishaps along the way, but God is gracious and everything worked out well. And I did learn some important lessons:

1. You can't always trust GPS.

2. Don't karaoke after 10 p.m.

3. People in Denver actually return things to the lost-and-found.

4. You can nap comfortably in a rental car.

5. Never iron a wedding dress with an old iron.

6. Never challenge Erin Robles to a game of checkers.

7. You don't know when or where you'll meet interesting people.

8. You don't have to pay $25 to check a garment bag on an airplane.

9. If your plane gets into LAX at 7:30 a.m., you can get your luggage and still get to work in Valencia by 8:44 a.m.!

The Holy Spirit

It's interesting...a pastor at my church preached a message almost 2 weeks ago about the Trinity. It was a clarifying sermon for me and reminded me that the Trinity is perfectly unified. We can't place more emphasis on any one aspect of the Trinity over the others without getting into trouble. Augustine said something to the effect of, "Try to understand the Trinity and lose your mind, deny the Trinity and lose your soul." I think he said it right.

This summer we are doing a study on the Holy Spirit. I'm really excited to do study this topic more because I don't think I have a good enough grasp yet on the importance of the Holy Spirit and how it relates to the Trinity.

I'm so thankful to the Father for His headship, and I'm thankful to the Son for His submission unto death, and I'm thankful for the Helper, the Holy Spirit.

Praise God from whom all blessing flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Orange Chicken, Lakers, and Car Hunting

I love my dad. And I don't spend enough time with my dad. So tonight I made orange chicken and salad and actually sat down at the table with my dad for dinner and we shared a meal together--that hardly ever happens!

I've also been car hunting. I think it's time for me to buy a new car and my dad and I have been doing a lot of discussing about what car I should buy. My little CRV has served me well, but Chole is starting to wear out, I'm afraid. Looking for a car is such a confusing process and a big investment and I want to make a wise decision, so I'm glad I have my dad to give me his two cents or more accurately his too sense. :)

And right now as I type this, my dad and I are watching the Lakers game together like we used to do when I was little. I remember I would sit and watch sports with him and he would pay me a dollar to give him a back rub. HA! HA! Well, no back rub tonight, but I am enjoying just relaxing and enjoying a game with my papa. I'm glad my next resolution is to go fishing with my dad.

A Shout Out to My Family on the Other Side of the World

I've been missing my sister A LOT lately. And I asked her to send me more pictures of my adorable nephews because I haven't seen them in so long. My sweet sister obliged Auntie Nea and sent along a couple of pictures to hold me over.

I am blessed to have a brother-in-law and sister who love the Lord and serve Him to the point of great sacrifice, and who raise my nephews to fear and love Jesus Christ. I've been praying often for Nico and Nate, that they will grow to be godly, mature Christian men who cherish God's Word and who deeply love their Savior and that some day they will gently, lovingly lead their wives and families. I know it sounds crazy, but yes, I have been praying for my nephews' future wives.

When I look at this family picture, all I see is God's love, His power, His providence, and His grace. And it makes me worship Him all the more deeply.

Visit Cornerstone (Hear Francis Chan)

For several years now, I've been meaning to go to Cornerstone and hear Francis Chan preach. I've tried a couple of times in the past to go to his church and hear him, but as it were, it never panned out. The one time I went, there was a guest speaker and another time he was sick or gone on vacation. So a few weeks ago, I heard an announcement that surprised me, along with many other people. Francis announced that he was moving on from his pastoral position at Cornerstone. He has been the pastor there for about 15 years. He said he thinks God is calling him elsewhere. He doesn't know if that means to start another church in the LA area, or if it means the mission field. But it was certain his time of pastoring Cornerstone was up.

After getting that news, I realized I'd better go to Cornerstone and hear him preach, quick, before he was gone. Hearing him was one of the tasks on my birthday resolution list. So the very next Sunday, I met up with my friend Stephanie and went to a service at Cornerstone. Francis preached on the parable of the soils and explained that many will hear and not be saved, but we are just to faithfully spread the seed until the very end.

It was a good message, and I went away encouraged by what God is doing in the lives of other churches. I'll be praying for this transition time for these dear people in the weeks and months ahead.

Paint a Picture

I am privileged to know an amazing woman named Belinda Del Pesco. She is an incredible artist and an intriguing person. When she heard about my birthday resolutions she was generous enough to agree to help me "paint a picture." Belinda went above and beyond anything I expected. She made me an incredible dinner and gave me an art lesson. I picked up so many tips and learned so much from her just in one night. I was amazed at the thought she put into the evening to help me out and to teach me about the art of making art. I'm so thankful for Belinda's friendship and hope to have other paint dates in the future.

Here is what I created! Take note of what is in the corner of the pictures of me painting. Belinda said that two key ingredients to a good painting are chocolate and tea. THANKS again, Belinda!

God's Economy

So often I think of the highest good as my comfort and my happiness. But in God's economy that couldn't be further from the truth! God wants my holiness and if that means me being uncomfortable and going through trials, then so be it. The end result is worth it.

The question is, do I REALLY believe that God has my best in mind? Do I REALLY believe God's promise that He does not withhold any good thing from His children? Do I REALLY believe God loves me? Do I REALLY believe He hears me when I cry out to Him? Yes, yes I do with my whole heart! But so often I live in my economy and think I deserve good and I'm selfish and stubborn like a child when I don't get my own way. But I'm learning to trust. I'm learning to let go of my desires and to submit my will to His. I'm learning to be thankful and to rest in His sovereign control over all the circumstances of my life.

I'm not there yet, but I'm learning. And that's progress, that's sanctification.

Go To A Monster Truck Rally

Can I just say this was way more fun than I ever expected! It was so awesome--the atmosphere was tingling with excitement. I know how people get hooked on this. My adrenaline was going big time as I felt the vibrations and throbbing of the cars zooming by. I can't imagine the thrill that the drivers get. My hearing was gone and my head ached for about an hour afterwards, but it was well worth it. It was a great way to spend my cousin's first day in CA.

BATTLE

I'm reading Perelandra by C.S. Lewis. The bulk of the book is basically a spiritual battle for the soul of mankind. Like when Satan tries to tempt the woman in the garden to disobey God. So Weston tries to tempt the woman to disobey Maleldil while Rasom is the voice of reason trying to convince the woman that her highest good is obedience to Maleldil.

Right now in some ways I feel like I have Ransom and Weston on both sides of me vying for my attention. And I need to be reminded what is my highest good. My highest good is to obey my Creator. No matter what twisted logic the world tries to throw at me, I know that the outcome for my good is when I obey, even if I don't understand the purpose of the command. I must obey out of love for my Creator.

"I think He made one law of that kind in order that there might be obedience. In all these other matters what you call obeying Him is but doing what seems good in your own eyes also. Is love content with that? You do them, indeed because they are His will. Where can you taste the joy of obeying unless He bids you do something for which His bidding is the only reason?" -Ransom

Eat Something Exotic/Wear a Hat to Church on Easter

Exotic
I planned my friend Jen's bachelorette party. It was over a month ago. Jen is now happily married. (She's been married 3 weeks now). But I did fulfill one of my birthday resolutions at the place we went for her party. It was a great little tea house in Pasadena called The Scarlet Tea Room. For an appetizer we ordered something very exotic--tempura squash blossoms stuffed with manchego, ricotta, almonds, and romesco. I can't even tell you what that is, but the waitress said it tastes out of this world, like it's from a different planet. So we took her word for it. And it was YUMMY.

Easter
So I knew I'd get teased if I wore a hat to church on Easter. And I was right. I got comment after comment about my "Easter bonnet" which was nothing close to a bonnet. But I don't care. You see, when I was little, my mom used to have me wear hats to church all the time, especially on Easter. So it was fun to do it again...it's been a LONG time and it felt like a little tribute to my mom.

A Golden Weekend And a Lesson on a Plane

Birthday Resolution: Visit my friend Holly

Holly lives in Denver so it was an adventure to go visit her. I met Holly's fiancé, Marty, which was great. Marty is a real, funny, down to earth, nice guy. I'm excited to see God working in his life and for him to marry my friend!
It was a quick weekend. Holly and I did some wedding stuff. We went shopping, walked in the park, and visited a little town called Golden. Golden is the famous home of the Coors beer factory, but since I don't drink we passed on the Coors tour and free beer and opted for Starbucks, a nice walk along the main street, and some fun photo ops. Holly asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, so I'll be going back to Denver in June!

A situation on the plane ride home got me thinking. I sat on the aisle seat next to a guy about my age and in the window seat was a pretty gal about my age too. The two of them were talking—I wouldn't say flirting—but talking. The girl was definitely a sweet, friendly girl. When we landed and the lights came on, I could see things more clearly. The girl in the window seat had a huge rock on her ring finger on her left hand! Yes, she was either engaged or married. And I wondered, would that girl's fiancé or husband be happy if he was an observer of his woman's conduct on her plane trip? No she didn't technically do anything wrong—she could argue that she wasn't flirting.

But I began to think—aisle lady's conduct was on the edge, toying with the line of too friendly—too friendly for the status of engaged or married. And not to impose something spiritual on a simple story, but I thought to myself, I have a status as well. I am engaged, betrothed, to the King of the universe. Does my conduct demonstrate that status? Or am I flirting with the line of being too familiar, too friendly, with the world? Is God cringing at my conversation with the guy next to me on my proverbial "plane?"

I want to walk in a manner worthy of which I am called. I want to cultivate an attitude of thanksgiving. I'm ashamed of myself for being discontent and for grumbling and complaining in my heart at where God has me. I want to DELIGHT in what the Lord has placed before me, not just endure it.

Psalm 37:23-24
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand."

PBR

Another birthday resolution--watch a bull ride.

I did a google search to find out when the next professional bull ride (PBR) would be close enough for me to actually go. And I found a bull ride in Fresno. So I went ahead and bought two tickets. Yes, Fresno is 3 hours away, but I thought it would be a fun road trip and part of the whole adventure. Jen, my great friend who I've known since high school, agreed to go with me. I think I was much more excited than her, but she still enjoyed herself!

I can't even explain how much fun this was. We chatted the entire car ride there, which actually seemed to go pretty fast. And then we stuffed our faces at The Old Spaghetti Factory before heading to the gigantic Save Mart Center arena.

The bull ride was INTENSE. Every ride carried with it the looming possibility of someone getting trampled or horned by an angry bull. There were several close calls and some scary moments, but thankfully everyone walked away. I loved the atmosphere! I totally felt in my element--country music, polite, masculine gentleman holding doors open for me, calling me ma'am, and tipping their hats. It was great! I was shocked that the MC even began the event with a prayer...and not just a generic prayer but, "Jesus, please forgive our sins." Then he asked for protection and blessing over the animals and the athletes and that the men would stay safe. WOW. It was pretty cool if I do say so myself!

Anyone want to go to the PBR finals in Vegas, let me know...I'm totally up for it! :)

Laugh Til I Cry

There is one birthday resolution that I wasn't sure I would accomplish. Laugh til I cry. I've never laughed that hard before, at least not that I can remember, so I wasn't sure if this year would be the year. And it's not a resolution that I can cause to happen by any planning or will of my own. It just had to happen, naturally.

I owe it all to my coworker, Bridget. She has the most contagious laugh of anyone I've ever met. It's a cross between a cackle and someone laughing so hard they are gasping for air. Just seeing Bridget laugh, makes me laugh.

The other day was a very strange day at work. It seemed that everyone was punchy. Everyone was joking around and just having a fun day. I spent part of the day helping Bridget with a project and we were both getting a little punch happy. I made a joke that I didn't really intend to be a joke, but it came out the wrong way and Bridget started laughing hysterically. That got me going. And neither of us could stop. The harder Bridget laughed the harder it made me laugh. And then it happened...tears started to roll down my cheeks!

Laugh til I cry. CHECK.

Finish Reading Narnia and Harry Potter

I realized that I wasn't reading enough so one of my birthday resolutions was to finish reading the Harry Potter and the Narnia series. (Two different resolutions, but I'm grouping them together since they are similar.)

First I finished the 7 Harry Potter books. While some were better than others and more enjoyable to read, Harry's story was brilliantly told. As much as many Christians have against the series, I enjoyed the magical world of Hogwarts and I'm glad I read the books. I wouldn't recommend that a younger child read them, but a discerning young person or teenager would do well with some discussion and guidance. I love how J.K. Rowling tells back story and recaps information without being boring or redundant. She's brilliant at it and I want to implement that into my own writing.

Then I finished up the last 3 of the 7 books in the Narnia series. I had read the first 4 with my mom, but we never got around to finishing them. All of the books were amazing, of course. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader was my least favorite, and my favorite was was The Silver Chair. I could barely breathe at the end of The Last Battle as C.S. Lewis used his imagination and biblical knowledge to describe what heaven will be like. I teared up reading it. Lewis had an insight into heaven like no one I've ever met. Even though the Narnia books are fiction/fantasy, I really think God gave Lewis a special gift--these books--that have encouraged and given insight to believers for years.

Right now I'm reading "The Chosen" (on recommendation by a coworker) and after that I'll start the Lord of the Rings series...no I haven't read that yet either.

Start a Band

"Just get you a guitar and learn how to play, cut up some jeans, come up with a name. When you’re living in a world that you don't understand, find a few good buddies, start a band, start a band. Start a band." -Brad Paisley

A dear friend and I are singing in a wedding in less than 2 weeks. So, the other night we got together to practice. We were enjoying ourselves, having a wonderful time. After a great rehearsal our singing morphed into an improv jam session. The guitarist was picking away with some cool sounding tunes and we simply opened up a Bible to the book of Psalm and started singing Scripture to the tune. IT WAS SO FUN!

In fact, we enjoyed ourselves so much, we decided to start a band. We are going to get our act together and start playing at coffee shops.

If you have any suggestions for a band name, feel free to share!

A Dead Rat

A few days ago while on my morning jog, I saw a huge rat in the middle of the street. It was lying on it's side twitching, jumping, convulsing--I wondered if it had been hit by a car. I know it's a RAT but my heart felt compassion towards this little creature and I wished there was something I could do to put it out of it's misery. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing, just simply finished my run. But not without this little experience leaving an impression on me.

Watching that creature die reminded me how imminent death is! And strangely, watching it writhe in pain reminded me of my mom's suffering. And I wondered--couldn't everyone just die peacefully, painlessly in their sleep? Why the suffering? And to be honest, I'm not sure I have a great answer. But I do know one thing, the pain, suffering, and fallenness of this world make me long for heaven with more zeal, passion, and urgency than I ever have before. Maybe that's the point.

If God knows when a bird or a sparrow falls, He certainly knows when a rat does too. Nothing is beyond His knowledge and control, and nothing is out of His loving hands. I needn't fear the future. One day I will be face-to-face with death like that rat...it will be my moment. God knows that exact moment and has ordained it. His ways are higher than mine and beyond my understanding. Proverbs says for a lesson in life to look to the ant. I looked to a rat. It's just like God to use a rat to speak to me!

"A god who does not rule all things absolutely is no God at all--but only a weak, frustrated, defeated idol, carved from one of the trees in the dark forest of man’s depraved imagination!" -Don Fortner

I know that the LORD is great, that our Lord is greater than all gods. The LORD does whatever pleases Him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths! -Psalm 135:5-6

All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as He pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: "What have You done?" -Daniel 4:35

Pay For A Stranger's Starbucks

The other day I ordered from a drive-through Starbucks. The perfect opportunity to anonymously pay for the person behind me! So I ceased the opportunity to accomplish another birthday resolution.

At the window I asked the cashier, "Can I please pay for the car behind me?" She said, "Sure, do you know them?" And I answered her honestly and said, "No, I don't know them." She looked kind of surprised and said, "What should I tell them?" And I said, "You can tell them that I serve a generous God and so I wanted to do something generous for someone."

The lady smiled and said, "Maybe they will pay it forward." I said, "Maybe." And I smiled back, paid for the strangers grande mocha caramel frappaccino, and drove away.

A Year Later

Yesterday was exactly one year since my mom passed away, went to heaven, died...however you want to say it. The point is, she's gone.

I'll never see her smile again, or the twinkle in her bright blue eyes. I'll never again sit at the dinner table with her or ask her to do me a favor. I'll never go to another play with her or bake another batch of apricot cookies with her. We'll never watch another episode of Dancing With the Stars together or critique the American Idol contestants together. I'll never again call her to chat on the way home from work, ask her for advice, or sing a song with her. No one will ever be as honest with me when I ask for criticism, no one will be as hard on me when I need to be pushed, and no one will love me like my mom did.

But I do know this...

My mom is happier than she has ever been. My mom is at total peace and total rest. My mom is with her Savior. My mom is whole and complete. She is without sin. My mom would not come back if she could. And I wouldn't want her to.

I know this...
One day I will see my mom again and I will sing with her again. But this time no sin and no flesh will get in the way of singing praises to God. And I know that God is good and everything He does is good, and is for my good. Those aren't just words...it's TRUTH.

I told my friend the other day, cancer did not take my mom's life. God, in His infinite love, wisdom, and mercy, called my mom home on February 10, 2009. God is the giver and sustainer of life. He gives and He takes away. And I will bless His name.

My very talented friend wrote a poem many years ago after her father died and she shared it with me yesterday. Here's a short piece of it that really resonated with me and encouraged my heart:

"Having given, the Father,
Having been given, the Son,
Being now given, the Spirit,
Triune know, oh they know, and
Are one in comfort,
And as our tears flow,
So theirs;
They know.
They know.
They more than know.
The Lord does not just provide;
He is our provision; and there is nothing lacking.
Yes, tears still come, bewilderment and sorrow recur;
He doesn’t just say, stiffen that upper lip;
He says “Come to Me. . . and I will give you rest.”
And He does, oh yes, He does."

Contact My Long Lost Uncle

I haven't spoken to my uncle in probably 20 years! He's been estranged from the family I guess you could say. I decided--now that I'm an adult I should try to reach out to him. I was nervous and felt stupid, but I swallowed my fear and sent my uncle a letter and a CD of my mom's memorial service along with my contact information.

I was surprised to receive a brief by very nice email in response right away! WOW. So I emailed my uncle a picture of our family and more details about our lives these days. I don't know where this communication will lead but I'm thankful the Lord opened this door. And I want to be faithful wherever it may go from here.

"Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and take big risks for the glory of God." -Tim Pickard (my first HS staff Bible study shepherd)

Birthday Resolution- HOLD BABY LUCIANO

Baby Jakob was too comfy in his mama's tummy, so he took a little while longer than expected before he decided to come into the world. But finally after an extra week of hanging out with mom, he was born! I am so excited for Sandi and Allan and I know they are going to be wonderful parents. God is so good!

I was able to go to their house last night and meet baby Jakob and hold him for a while until it was time for him to eat. He's got dark hair like his papa, dark blue eyes (which will most likely change color) and I'm convinced he has his Aunt T's chin. He's a cutie! I'm thakful yet another birthday resolution is done...especially this one because I didn't have to do anything...my friend did all the work! :)

The Newest Member of the Brown Family

BIRTHDAY RESOLUTION: GET A PET OF SOME SORT

I wanted to get a turtle, but it turns out that the aquarium equipment needed for a turtle is $180. Or else I could buy a tortoise for $100. And lizards, snakes, frogs...all need heating lights and their habitat also cost $180. Wasn't planning to spend that much money.

Please welcome the newest member of the Brown family:
RAY

Ray the fish loves to change color, he loves to stare, he loves clean water, and he does not play well with others (other beta fish, that is).

God's Promises

The most amazing I've ever seen...right out my window at work yesterday. Made me meditate on and rejoice in God's faithfulness to His promises. The picture was taken with my cell phone and does not do it justice at all. But enjoy it all the same!

Pet

I'm going to get a pet to fulfill another birthday resolution. I need your help. What should I get?
1. Fish
2. Hampster
3. Rabbit
4. Bird
5. Turtle
6. Gerbil
7. Guinea pig
8. Lizard
9. Snake
10. ROCK

See My Nephew(s) In Person

When I made my birthday resolutions, on my list was "see my nephew in person." Well, in the few months that have passed since then, my nephew turned into nephews (plural) when my sister and brother-in-law received a phone call that there was a little boy in need of a home. The day after Thanksgiving, my sister brought home Nathaniel James Karabo Mitchell. What a gift! In fact in, my sister had been praying for specific details about another child and God kindly answered YES to all of those prayers...like Nathaniel was a special gift all wrapped for her! And how fitting that Nathaniel means gift as does Karabo (chair.ah.bow.) his African name.

So my mission was to see my NEPHEWS in person--mission accomplished!

Two days before Christmas I headed out with my dad for Uganda. Everything went smoothly and after a ten hour flight, and a lovely, but very fast tour of London (I was the tour guide), we spent the night and headed out the next morning for a seven hour flight into Entebe (Uganda).

It was such a joy to see my sister and Caleb and the boys, despite an allergic reaction I had. I was rashy, itchy, and swollen-eyed, but I was one happy girl. We celebrated Christmas late and Nico opened up his gifts. I got to see how my sister lives. We got to meet friends, ministry partners, and "family" members. We jumped up and down and danced as we worshipped at church. We ate "Matokey" with G-Nut sauce which is boiled bananas with peanut sauce, a savory, traditional Ugandan dish. The bananas taste more like potatoes.

We spent New Years with my sister's good friends and had an AMAZING meal--two different kinds of beef/roast with veggies, yummy rolls, popovers, and cookies, potato donuts, and tea for dessert.

We went to the source of the Nile where we saw the spot that Lake Victoria feeds into the Nile (you can see ripples where the salt and fresh water are "mixing"). We also went on a hike in a rain forest where we got bit by fire ants and saw a few monkeys. Our guide told us, "Don't eat that tree, it will kill you." And then two trees over, he said, "Eat this tree, it will help diarrhea." HA! HA! HA! Call me unadventurous, but I didn't eat any trees.

I even got the whole market and craft fair experience. I bought fabric and a very nice Ugandan auntie is making a tradition African shetange for me. I will have it in a few days. There is no hot or even warm water, often the power unpredictably goes out and can be out for days. We boil the milk, boil water for warm baths, the clothes are washed and hung to dry and ironed to kill the eggs the mango flies leave behind. You don't want them to burrow and hatch a worm beneath your skin. We slept under mosquito nets as a defense against malaria. And overall had a grand ol' time.

We had a little family celebration for Nico's 2nd birthday. He turns two years old on Jan. 17th. It was fun to watch him open gifts. It was amazing how much his coordination developed in just two weeks. He had a hard time opening Christmas gifts, but did just great for his birthday. Maybe he learned that we weren't just asking him to rip paper, but there was something in it for him under that paper. :)

Nate and Nico took their first bath together where they played and splashed and had fun as brothers should. I took lots of pictures. I'm back in one piece, my luggage was only a couple days behind me, and I'm recovering well from jet lag, so I can't complain. Thanks everyone for your prayers. God is good. I am so thankful for this experience!

A Couple of Bucks

I've been rethinking my position on giving money to homeless people standing on the street. Over the years I've gone back and forth about whether or not to give to them. You know the argument...they will just spend it on alcohol or drugs. And I've heard stories of people watching a "bum" turn around and drive away in a nice sports car. But the more I think about it, Scripture doesn't say to be kind and compassionate and giving IF you think you agree with where the money will go. That is out of my control. I am just to spread the love of Christ and let the results work themselves out.

So, on the way to work today, I stopped and gave an old man a few dollars. I've seen him standing with his sign on the street for weeks. The smile on his face was worth it. And it's cold outside...if he needs to warm himself up with a beer, I guess that's not my problem. :)

I don't know...what are your thoughts?

Going to the chapel...again

Yes, it's time...again! Yet another dear friend is getting married. I'm so excited for one of my best friends Jen, who recently got engaged to her boyfriend Earl Hammon. She asked me to be in her wedding....this will be #13 for me, and she asked me to be her maid of honor...this will be #4 for that job.

The fun times have already begun...we're going dress shopping tonight!

Can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for my sister in Christ and I know the next few months are going to be special and fun to spend together. YAY! for the way God works!

Serve at a Homeless Shelter for Thanksgiving

Some things on my list of thirty things to do before I'm thirty take longer than others...I've been working on it, trust me. But nothing has been completed enough to talk about, until now.

I did cross another thing off my list last week...serve at a homeless shelter for Thanksgiving. And I did! I went to Church on the Way and served Thanksgiving dinner to people staying at the SanFernando Valley Rescue Mission.

It was an awesome experience! I've served there before...a few years ago, but forgot how much I enjoyed it. And My dad came with me too!

I got to meet so many wonderful people. Their smiles, thank-you's and sweet attitudes were a slap to my pride. It was fun to be their "server" and even more exciting that the gospel was presented so they received spiritual food as well as physical food. I pray the Lord will give me more and more a heart for the lost as I grow to love what He loves and hate what He hates.

My New Nephew

Nathaniel James

I'm Exercising My Civil Rights :)

Yes, Rick Holland would be so proud of me!

I had big plans for Saturday. My alarm didn't go off and I was running late, but I dragged myself out of bed, threw on jeans, a shirt, and a sweatshirt and headed out to the shooting range! I drove with a friend up to Sanfransiscito Cyn. in Santa Clarita. I love that drive, up the dirt road into the middle of nowhere until we finally came to the shooting range where I shot a pistol for the first time!

I have to admit, it was fun!

After a few rounds I got a feel for the gun and was hitting the target pretty much every shot by the time I finished off the amo.

But that wasn't the end. I got to shoot a rifle for the first time too. Didn't practice on that one yet...next time. But I did fire off two shots to get a feel for it. That's a lot of power in the hands of a little person like me. ;)

Thank you constitution of the United States of America. :)

Free Latte's and God's Sovereignty

Thank you, Coffee Bean, for the free ice-blended pumpkin spice latte and the chance to sit and have an encouraging chat with my friend. :)

I'm blown away by God's sovereign love and care. I see more and more that He orchestrates each detail of our lives (mundane as they may seem) to bring about His plan. Every choice I make, every phone call, every e-mail, God has strategically woven together in a intricate pattern to bring His will about in my life and even in the lives of others. He intimately knows and deeply cares about what concerns me. Nothing in my life goes unnoticed or untouched by Him.

That kind of detail shows a tender love I know I don't deserve.

People Are Crazy

I've done some stupid things in my life. But several days ago I think I topped myself! I blame the full moon.

When I got out of my car in the Rite Aid parking lot, I saw a poor little dog locked up in the car next to me. It was hot, 89 degrees, and the windows were up. The poor tiny pooch just looked at me and smushed it's little nose up against the window, panting. The dog looked like it hadn't been fed or bathed in ages. I couldn't take it!

Now here is where my lack of better judgement comes in. I saw that the car door was unlocked. So I quickly opened up the car door and rolled down the window so the dog could get some air. Then I walked over to Starbucks and got a cup of water for the dog. About 30 minutes passed when the owner finally came back. He was an angry man who cussed me out for thinking I was super woman and that I could save the world. After a ten minute rant, the guy finally left and took a picture of me on his cell phone as he drove away. HA! HA!

O my! Next time just remind me to call animal services. Again...I blame the full moon. :)

Malachi

My friends Wes and Rachel Smith lost their 3-year old son this morning to leukemia. My heart is breaking for them but I'm not mourning without hope. Christ conquered death when He gave His life on the cross and rose again--and we have hope that little Malachi is in heaven rejoicing with his Creator. And with my mom. Malachi means "Messenger of God" and this is God's message to me through Malachi:

God's Message

God said children are a precious gift—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that truth.

God said He works everything for good for those who love Him—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that promise.

God said He is the Great Comforter—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that attribute.

God said He knows every hair on our head—
Malachi is God’s messenger of that fact.

God said He loves the little children—
Malachi is God’s messenger, proof that’s true.

God said He gives us the grace we need for each day—
Malachi is God’s messenger to help us experience that grace.

God said He formed us and knew us intimately before we were born—
Malachi is God’s messenger, evidence of that care.

God said He is sovereign—
Malachi is God’s messenger, demonstrating that reality.

God said He can use the faith of few to increase the faith of many—
Malachi is God’s messenger to bring that to pass.

God said life is a vapor—
Malachi is God’s messenger, reminding us to live that way.

God said He is preparing a place for us—
Malachi is God’s messenger, causing us to dwell on thoughts of heaven.

One Reason Why I Don't Internet Date :)

Online
By: Brad Paisley

I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
But there's whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace'

Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look real good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
I’m so much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A.
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein,
I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs
That would blow your mind

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Hair Cut Picture...Just For You, Joy! ;)

Just because you asked...

Hair Cut

It's amazing to me that something as simple as a haircut can make you feel like a new person. When you feel like you need a change or you need to move on or past something, there is nothing better than a haircut. I say this only because I am too chicken to dye my hair or something even more extreme, so for me, a haircut will have to do. I high recommend it. If you're having a bad day, try it out. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Change Something About Myself That I Don't Like/Plant Some Flowers

The closer I grow to the Lord, the more I see my sin, and the more I hate it. Sometimes I feel like I have so far to go, but as I fight my sin with the Lord's help, each day I will be conformed more and more to His image. That's why on my list of 30 things to do this year, I said that I want to work on something about myself that I'd like to change. It wasn't a difficult choice. While I have many weaknesses I could choose from, there is one glaring thing I want to focus on growing in this year.

I've been this way my entire life...opinionated and strong-willed. I know how things should be and I know how I want things to be. Unfortunately that trait often lends me to unwittingly try to control my circumstances. It's out of a desire for security and stability. I want to feel like everything is nice and neat and in order. That's wrong. And it's my biggest, glaring fault. I realize that I can't control anything. God is in control. And the only way to feel that security, peace, and safety is to be settled in Christ.

Since recognizing the severity of this sin in my life, hopefully I've already come a long way. But I know practically I still have a very long way to go, and I'm taking steps everyday to put others first before my own desires and to trust in God and not my own wisdom.

And I did plant some flowers. My lovely friend Melissa gave me a plant of sunflowers for my birthday so I decided to plant them in the front yard. I've never planted anything before...it couldn't be that hard, right? I didn't want to get dirt under my fingernails and I know my mom gardened a lot, so I searched through my mom's gardening things in the back yard, and found everything I needed. I got gloves, a little shovel, and little pick for hard dirt. I picked my spot in the front yard next to some other plants and I dug dug, dug until it was deep enough for the plant to sit flush with the ground. I filled in the ground around the plant and gave it lots of water.

It's been several days and the plant is dead. Yes, dead. Dried out and shriveled up. I guess this attempt was not a success, I'll have to try again.

30 Things I'm Gonna Do Before I'm 30

1. Finish writing my book
2. See Hearst Castle
3. Finish reading the Harry Potter series
4. See my nephew in person
5. Write a song
6. Finish reading the Chronicles of Narnia series
7. Eat at a restaurant alone
8. Go fishing with my dad
9. Pay for a stranger's Starbucks
10. Go for a 10 mile run
11. Eat something exotic (sushi?)
12. Wear a toe ring for a day
13. Watch a bull-riding contest
14. Wear a hat to church on Easter
15. Get a massage
16. Paint my dad's bedroom
17. Watch a monster truck show
18. Get a pet of some sort
19. Visit Francis Chan's church
20. Ride a horse
21. Write a note to my long lost uncle
22. Work on changing something about myself that I don't like
23. Laugh so hard I cry
24. Sit in the back of my car and look at the stars
25. Hold baby Luciano
26. See my friend Hollie
27. Serve at a shelter for Thanksgiving
28. Plant some flowers
29. Fix the curtains in the living room
30. Paint a picture

Sounds Like Life to Me...

Sorry for quoting a country song again, but it seems fitting to me today. It's a song about everything going wrong in someones life--he lost his job and just found out his wife is having another baby, and things are breaking around the house, among other things. And his friend gives him advice and says, not to be insensitive, but that sounds like life to me. And it's true.

I'm realizing...life stinks sometimes, but that doesn't change God's character. Even when I can't understand the way God works and why He does what He does, I still know He is trustworthy. And I know He loves me. It's back to the basics--Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.

I occasionally get discouraged by my sin that I try so hard to fight. It can bring me down and make me feel worthless and unlovable. But that reminds me...I am unlovable. That's what makes God's love for me so amazing! He saved a wretch like me. But even more, He has called me into His marvelous light and made me a coheir with His son. And He uses me to further His kingdom. It makes me want to shout, hallelujah, thank You Jesus, Lord You're worthy!

I am a broken and bruised reed, but that's a good place to be, because that's when He can use me.

The Jury is Out

Jury duty.
I don't dread it. But many do. I don't give excuses to avoid it, though many try. And I am not bitter and resentful during the process. But many around me are.

Perhaps that is why I got selected to be on a jury this past week after getting my summons to serve. But honestly, I found the entire experience to be enjoyable and educational. Forgive me, I sound like a ridiculous commercial for the positives of jury duty. But really, I did have a good week at the Van Nuys Superior Court.

Here are 10 things I learned this week while serving jury duty:
1. Always leave your house a few minutes early.

2. Never eat Quiznos for lunch two days in a row.

3. Don't talk to strangers who approach you and say, "hey there, little one."

4. You can carry a water bottle through security, no need to put it through the x-ray machine.

5. Never keep 13 people waiting for you.

6. Never use a DA, hire your own defense if needed.

7. Don't run from the police.

8. Use every opportunity to evangelize.

9. It's hard not to feel sorry for the guilty party, even though you know they are guilty.

10. People are crazy!

Ideas...

I watched the movie Julie & Julia and I was inspired. It's about a lady who decided to cook her way through Julia Child's entire recipe book in one year and each day she would blog about it. My birthday is coming up in one week and I will be 29. I decided, I want to do something special during my 29th year or as my friend calls it, my "year of becoming 30." I'm trying to think of what I should do to challenge myself and inspire my 3 blog readers.

My initial idea is this. I will think of 30 things I want to do before I turn 30 and I will attempt to complete them all. And I'll blog about it along the way. What do you all think? Have any better ideas?

Does This Sound Like Me?

ESFJ Personality Type

ESFJs focus on the outside world and assess their experiences subjectively. They largely base their judgments on their belief system and on the effects of actions on people. ESFJs are literal and concrete, trusting the specific, factual information gathered through their physiological senses.

ESFJs project warmth through a genuine interest in the well-being of others. They are often skilled at bringing out the best in people, and they want to understand other points of view. They are serious about their responsibilities, seeing what needs to be done and then doing it. Generally proficient at detailed tasks, they enjoy doing little things that make life easier for others. They value tradition and the security it offers.

Easily hurt, ESFJs seek approval. They take pleasure in other people's happiness. They give generously but expect appreciation in return. Sensitive to the physical needs of others, they respond by offering practical care. As expert people readers, ESFJs often adapt their manner to meet the expectations of others. However, they may have difficulty recognizing the shortcomings of loved ones.

ESFJs tend to be vocal in expressing their sense of right and wrong. Their value system derives from the external standards defined by their community, as opposed to a personal set of ethics. (This is one of the traits that distinguishes them from their ENFJ counterparts.) ESFJs raised in an environment of high ethical standards tend to display true generosity and kindness.

ESFJs seek structured, controlled environments, and tend to be good at creating a sense of order. They generally feel insecure in an atmosphere of uncertainty. They value the rule of law and expect the same of others. ESFJs may be less interested in understanding the concepts behind the rules, tending to shy away from the abstract and impersonal.

Old Friends, Vanilla Lattes, and Carmel Apples

In a snap, ten years passed, just like that. My friend, who I haven't seen in years has been through a lot of changes in a decade. She's been married, moved twice, and had five kids in the process. The other night I went over to her house to hang out. It was so much fun! She is such a sweet mom. She made her girls "vanilla lattes." I kind of wrinkled my nose at this...a 2-year-old drinking a latte? But then I saw what she meant by latte...she steams milk and puts vanilla syrup/flavoring in it. Then she tops it off with whip cream. And voila...a vanilla latte fit for a 2- year-old. :)

And I must share...last night I made carmel apples for the first time. It was so much fun. And it's so easy. I thought it would be so complicated, but it's not! But this could be dangerous. Now that I know how to do it and how easy it is, I might make them all the time. While that's good for the taste buds, it's not good for the waistline. HA! HA!

Verizon Nightmares!

My cell phone stopped working. Took it in to the Verizon store. They confirmed it was broken. Didn't think it was the battery. Sent me a refurbished replacement phone. Realized my phone was working just fine. It was just the charger that wasn't working. Got my bill from Verizon. They charged me $267.10 for the refurbished phone. Called Verizon in a rage, but acted as nice and calm as possible, I am a Christian, after all. :) They assure me they will take that charge off my bill when they receive the phone which I mailed back this morning. Couldn't I buy a brand new IPhone for $268.10? But a REFURBISHED chocolate? Give me a break!

Am I the only person who thinks FAMILY SHARE PLAN assumes you will have 2 phones (at least)? Then why is the second phone only given to you with a $10.00 monthly charge for an EXTRA line? HA! HA! HA!

O, they joys of having a cell phone! Life was much simpler before them.

Stuck

It was Sunday night. A warm, summer evening. And my friend Chuck had just been baptized at church. Several friends from Bible study joined Chuck at his apartment to celebrate the occasion. We talked, laughed, ate pizza and cake. And then we headed for home.

Ten of us were leaving at the same time. I declared that I was going to take the stairs while everyone else headed toward the elevator. Someone yelled out that there were stairs in their direction, so I joined them.

At that moment, the elevator arrived. Everyone piled into the tiny elevator and motioned for me to just join them. So I did. We piled 10 people into that elevator! It was squishy and hot, but we all made it.

As we waited for the ground floor, I joked. How crazy would it be if we got stuck in here? Then bam! We were stuck. Just like that. And it was hot. And we were cramped. We laughed, then realized this was no joke. The guys tried to pry the door open, but couldn't. We called the fire department. We sang "It Is Well With My Soul." And we prayed.

By then our rescuers arrived. They pried the door open with an ax. It took no time at all. We took a few pictures, thanked them for helping us, and laughed a lot more. We thanked God for protecting us. It was crazy...but fun. I didn't think being stuck in an elevator could actually be a somewhat pleasant experience!

On the Road Again...

Well, it's off to summer camp. :) Since I didn't go to camp last year, I think this is #6 for me. But honestly, it never gets tiresome. I love watching God work in the lives of the students as the lights go on and they are seeking, understanding, and obeying truth.

We leave on Sunday morning, bright and early, and will return on Thursday night. This camp will be especially special :) for me because the speaker is Ken Ramey. Ken Ramey was my high school pastor!

Please pray for us while we are gone. Safety and health, but more important that significant spiritual growth happens in the lives of the students and staff. And please pray for me personally as I lead my small group of girls.

The powers that be have asked me to be the official "camp blogger" so if you're interested, you can read all about 180 camp happenings on a daily basis at www.thecostcamp.com.

Decisions Are the Worst

Don't you hate it when you have to make really important decisions, but honestly don't have a clue what to do? Even after you've prayed extensively and sought wise counsel, sometimes things still don't seem clear.

I just recently finished reading a book called "Just Do Something." The book is about decision-making. And it's really making me think. I'm becoming more and more convinced that we have too many choices nowadays which actually makes life much more difficult.

Years ago people really had no choice but to live where they were born and to do the jobs their parents did. There was no battling over "career choice" or where to move to. They also stayed at the church where they were raised. No jumping around to find a church that perfectly suits your style. And maybe there were 2 Christian women or men in town around the same age. So they married one of them. Life was simple. Life was easier.

Maybe there is something to be said for the way people lived 50-100 years ago.

New Book Smell

Do you love your kindle, but feel like it’s lacking a certain je ne sais quoi? Spray it with "New Book Smell" and get that satisfaction you’ve been missing.

Smell of Books comes in four additional aromas: Classic Musty, Crunchy Bacon, Eau You Have Cats, and Scents of Sensibility, for Jane Austen fans.

“Now you can finally enjoy reading e-books without giving up the smell you love so much. With Smell of Books you can have the best of both worlds, the convenience of an e-book and the smell of your favorite paper book.”

All Quiet on the NeaNea Front

I've been reflecting a lot on what my life has been like the past 6 months. I can tell you one thing for sure. I am not the same person. I am not the same Christian. I say that because I've grown so much in my walk with the Lord, I can't even recognize the person I was. I feel like I've been through a crash course in practical Christian living that has matured me and made me more like my Savior.

I am starting to understand why Titus tells the OLDER women to teach the YOUNGER women. Now don't get me wrong, I know someone "young" can understand Scripture and give wise and helpful counsel. I don't look down on youth. But after seeing how dramatically my life has grown in just 6 months, I understand better that an OLDER woman has so much wisdom to impart to me. There is no substitute for gray hair and the time and life experience it takes to earn them.

Change

When little things in life start changing, it never stops. Then one day you wake up and suddenly everything has changed--nothing seems the same. In my life, when change happens, it always seems to happen fast and abruptly and it can be overwhelming at times.

I often look back and wonder how I ended up where I am today. Working at Grace to You, living with my dad, my sister living in Uganda, and my mom in heaven. It seems crazy how nothing has turned out the way I expected.

But, in the midst of all the change, I know the One who never changes. I know the One who turns and shifts not. He is steadfast and I can anchor soul in Him, as well as anchor myself to Him in regards to my everyday worries, concerns, and thoughts. Praise God who is the alpha and omega!

California Dreamin'

I had a dream last night.

I was in a wedding. It was Hannah Schoof's wedding, which is odd because Hannah is not Hannah Schoof anymore...she is Hannah Ledwell, and I wasn't in the wedding. In my dream, Hannah's wedding was in Malibu at 5 p.m. I was supposed to be there at 4 p.m. which is also odd, because if you are in a wedding, you are usually there more than an hour before it starts. HA! HA! And in my dream, my sister was making me late. It was after 4 p.m. and my sister was still laying on her bed with cucumbers on her eyes. I was furious! And my sister was mad at me for being so "uptight." Don't know if I ever made it to the wedding. I'm glad my alarm woke me up! I'm glad it was just a dream. And I'm glad Hannah is happily married and none of her bridesmaids were late. :)

Reading to Think

I'm reading C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce and naturally, like all C.S. Lewis novels do, it got me thinking. I don't know if Lewis said this, implied it , or just sparked a thought in my head, but I was reflecting on how often unbelievers have relatively easy, comfortable lives. And how many believers endure some unbelievably insane trials.

And then I thought about the deceptiveness of Satan. What better trick than to lull nonbelievers comfortably into hell than to make them happy, content, and feeling full with their lives here on earth. Then they don't need a savior. Yet when a believer endures a trial, they are forced to wrestle with God until he blesses them (in a spiritual sense). They are forced to question and test their faith and come out clinging to God even more tightly than before.

And I realized--trials really are from the Lord! What a hard concept to grasp...but trials really are a love offering from our Savior to us. He could simply let us live a life of ease and comfort, but in His graciousness He gives us what is needful to make us His own for once in salvation and each day through sanctification.

A Weekend in Boston

What a crazy and fast weekend. I went to Boston for my cousin's wedding. I left Friday night and flew back in Sunday night. Like I said--crazy and fast. Highlights of the weekend?

1. Breakfast with my Dad at Cracker Barrel

2. Groom and groomsmen in kilts

3. Bride with a rip-away skirt/train (shorter dance dress underneath)

4. Tour of Notre-Dame Church

5. Three hour nap on Saturday morning.

6. Seeing my family/cousins I haven't seen for a while

7. Finishing 2 (almost 3) books I was in the middle of reading

8. Meeting a famous movie producer on the plane on the way home

9. Seeing baby Eli

10. Having dinner at The Melting Pot with my sweet boyfriend, J.T.

Living Out Christ

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to live a life totally dedicated to Christ. And I think in many ways I've got it wrong. I get so concerned about "doing, doing, doing" that I forget the one needful thing--to sit at the feet of Christ. It's so much easier to be a Martha than a Mary. It's good to be involved, it's good to help. I love being involved in ministry...it's who I am. But I have to remember that ministry takes different forms. I can be "in ministry" no matter where I am and what I'm doing. In fact, I am commanded to be a light of the gospel whether I am in California or Uganda. I have to remember, God's calling for my life may be different than I've always thought. I just want to be faithful. Faithful to the gifts the Lord has given me and the desires he has put in my heart.

How Do You Say Goodbye

Tonight at Bible study is our last Wednesday with our shepherd Bryan and his wife Lindsey. Bryan graduated from seminary on Sunday and they will be moving with their son Nathanael and their little boy on the way. They'll be going to Chicago to be trained at Harvest Bible and then they will church plant in Texas. So, it's bitter sweet, because obviously I am so excited for them to pursue this wonderful opportunity, but it's also going to be hard to say goodbye.

The Paynes have just been a great example of trusting in the Lord, even in hard times and I've seen the Lord's faithfulness in their care for me, especially through my mother's death. Bryan was so faithful to pray for me and even with me and to point me where my mind needed to be. I am so eternally thankful for the Paynes!

Mother's Day

I have a charge to give you, at least those of you who are reading this. I'm sure you've realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. And I can't tell you how many times I let mother's Day pass without truly being thankful for my mom. Of course I would give her a gift or a card or take her to eat, but so often I neglected to be TRULY thankful.

So I just want to encourage you all, appreciate your moms. Go out of your way to do something memorable and special this year--it's not too late. Don't take your mom for granted because you never know how long you have with her--time really is short and the days are evil. We have to make the most of them by being obedient to Christ's command to hold our parents in high honor and respect.

Happy Mother's Day!

La Vida Loca

Tonight I'm going bowling with 50 highschoolers, dressed like I came from the 70's.

This weekend my coworker is having a themed dinner...the theme is pandemics. The menu is mad cow, avian water (avian flu), pork (swine flu), and spinach with tomatos. Dessert is jello and pudding.

Saturday I am attending my 5th wedding in a span of two months.

Tweet:

From World Magazine: 4/25/08

After use for years in Africa, officials in the United Kingdom may have a new tool in the fight against lost landmines: rats. Handlers at the Porfell Wildlife Park in Cornwall recently imported a Gambian pouched rat named Kofi that, according to trainer Wendy Winstanley, could be useful to British army and police for bomb detection. Already used by locals in Mozambique, the rats have proved themselves as valuable mine detectors. With a nose more sensitive than most dogs and a weight that allows them to run through a minefield without detonating anything, a trained Gambian pouched rat can clear 1,000 square feet of a minefield in about 30 minutes.

Lemon Yogurt and Such

This world is so fallen and sinful, I'm surprised "bad" things don't happen more. But that just makes God's grace so apparent and all the more lavish to me.

Little graces have been jumping out at me since last night. It started with my friend giving me a home-grown strawberry from her little strawberry plant. It was perfectly red, perfectly shaped. I'd never seen such a picturesque little strawberry! And it tasted as good as it looked. It was sweet and juicy. And as I ate it, I thought of God's common grace to mankind. His patience. His longsuffering. I don't deserve to enjoy a strawberry like that.

And even now. The fact that I can sit here at the computer with my Trader Joe's lemon yogurt and enjoy each sweet, creamy bite boggles my brain.

What a truly good and generous God we serve. Even when things go wrong, I still see how God's hand is merciful and gentle. And it goes way beyond strawberries and yogurt. The more I reflect on the work Christ did on the cross, the more I realize that my life should be characterized by thanksgiving. How could it possible be anything less?

Stream Of What?

My palms are sweating and my heart is pounding. It's Wednesday and I still don't know what to write about on my blog.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. My palms are not sweating and my heart is not pounding. When I began typing this blog 4 sentences ago, I didn't know what I was going to write about, that part is true.

Have you ever heard of stream of consciousness? It's a form of writing where you simply follow the thoughts in someone's brain. Naturally this makes for more random and less connected writing when you let your thoughts control the flow of the writing. So I think I'll write a little stream of consciousness for a minute and let you follow the thoughts in my brain.

I'm tired.
Can't wait to clean the Green's house tonight.
Glad I got directions, hope I can find it.
Hope Jen is not so stressed out today.
I think I ate too much at lunch...my stomach hurts.
Shoot, I forgot to put $5 in the basket for dinner last night. I'll have to pay Ann on Sunday.
I can't believe it cost $51 to mail my sister's package to Uganda.
If she doesn't get it I will be so upset.
My mom's rings are so pretty.
My hands got so dry from doing all those dishes this past weekend.
My foot is killing me today. I really hope it's not a stress fracture.
Why do I keep checking my email, calm down, Janea.
I can't believe Hannah is getting married on Saturday.
Saturday is going to be so busy...
I feel bad Amanda is so sick.
I need to work on Ephesians.

Alright, alright, you get the point! If I keep going, it could get scary!

Confessions of a Blogoholic (not really....I read like 3 blogs)

So, I have a confession. It's been driving me crazy lately to read other people's blogs. Everyone has cute, funny, silly anecdotes about things their kids are doing--like writing with crayons on the walls, or saying things that only kids say. Well, sorry. I don't have kids. So you won't find any cute stories like that on my blog. And I don't want my blog to become depressing, so I don't just want to talk about my trials like I have been for the past few months.

A friend who reads my blog was surprised to find out that I have a sense of humor (now that is sad). I was told that if you only know me from my blog, you wouldn't know what a goof I am.

So, dear readers (yes, all three of you), I am on a quest to find myself...my blogging self that is. To decide what my next blog should be about and what direction it should take. I'm open to suggestions. :)

Cheesecake and News

For many months now, me and a group of old friends have been trying to find a time to get together for dinner. We all live so far away from each other, scattered around, so coordinating our schedules was not an easy task. But it finally happened! Last night we were able to meet at Cheesecake factory. I am so thankful to the Lord for putting ladies in my life that I've known for a long time--ladies that will always be dear friends no matter how long we go without seeing each other. Everyone needs people in their life like that.

God is so good! I just marvel at His timing. It seems like almost everyone in the group had some sort of big news--engagement, baby--whatever it may be. And if we had been able to meet when we first wanted to, we would not have been able to share all the news together in such a special way. Last night was a night of catching up and rejoicing.

Nights like last night remind me that friendship is a unique gift from God and I praise the Lord for that!

St. Patrick's Day

It's hard to believe that in 2000, exactly 9 years ago today, I was in Belfast Ireland with my mom. We had a couple of days of not sleeping because the Irish were preparing to celebrate. "Preparing to celebrate" means having a party every night for the entire week before March 17th, getting drunk, and making lots of noise. So, that "lots of noise" kept my mom and I awake 'til the wee hours of the mornin'.

I remember being amazed at hearing the TRUE story of St. Patrick for the first time. I had no idea that St. Patrick has been kidnapped as a child and many, many, years later escaped. Then he decided to return to Ireland as a missionary to the people who had kidnapped him. They don't teach that in elementary school. :)

I saw the Great Causeway...the most beautiful landscape I've ever seen--on the northern coast. Words can't even describe the beauty of the crystal sea crashing into the cliffs that were carefully, craftily, carved out by the Lord--for His good pleasure. That we might see and know that He is God. Even creation declares His majesty.

As beautiful as God's creation is, it is nothing in comparison to heaven! I can't even imagine the glories that await me--the glories that my mom is experiencing right now! If she remembers what we saw in Ireland, I know she's thinking, "you think that's pretty? Just wait, Janea, just wait."

The Last Three Months

Wow! What a journey...and it's not over. The last few months have been such a whirlwind...so much has happened. It's difficult to process it all. My friend's mom died of cancer also about a year ago and I remember reading his blog soon after she went to be with the Lord. He said he's learned that it takes a lot of courage to die of cancer. I never fully grasped how true that is until the last few months.

I've talked with my mom's closest friend and she shared a conversation she had with mom about death. She asked my mom if she was afraid. And while my mom was honest...that yes, it is scary, she told her friend that now is when faith becomes real. My mom shared with her friend that she believed God's promises, she believed the truth about heaven and she shared how she was clinging to her faith in all that God has declared in His Word. My mom's faith never wavered. She fought the good fight and she endured until the very end. My mom was the most courageous woman I've ever known.

So now, I seek to live my mom's legacy. I want to receive the crown of righteousness--the same crown that my mom is wearing right now as she worships her Lord face-to-face. I don't want to waste this trial. I want to make the most of it...to let the Lord work in my heart and in my life and to shape me and make me more like Him. I want to let this trial do it's perfect work to make my faith complete and mature, lacking nothing. And I want be able to say with everything that is in me--I AM THANKFUL!